Drinking Song

each night when I get home from work so tired I can't see
I grab my food & drink & then I turn on the TV
I'm looking for distraction so I won't stress anymore
but half the time I just end up more pissed off than before
you see, I'm kind of lazy & my standards are quite low
so it doesn't take a lot for me to sit down & watch a show
but too many annoyances have finally done me wrong
so I opened up another beer & sat down to write this song

so raise a glass to the screen now before you stop to think
cause the TV shows I love the most are driving me to drink
so spend another night with me in nerdy decadence
cause we know that when we're sober this will make a lot less sense

[Then I sing a few of the following verses with a chorus after each:]

like what is up with Heroes? cause back in season one
it all seemed kind of random but it still seemed pretty fun
now there's a brand new character most every single show
when all I really want to see is Ando & Hiro
& I really can't help feeling like the cast is an excuse
to set up Peter with some brand new powers he can use
now no one else gets screen time & the metaplot's a wreck
quick, have him take his shirt off so the fangirls won't suspect!

Lost has lived up to its name, I'll tell you that's the truth
cause every single week I get a little more confused
I don't care about Kate's angst or Sawyer's kid or Jack's tattoo
& why have the survivors actually all met before?
like (insert long rant here)
who knows what it all means, because the flashbacks are a bore
& every answered question seems to spawn a thousand more

Dollhouse was supposed to have been canceled far too soon
but then it got renewed & Joss had no clue what to do
so he hired a bunch of actors who we liked from better shows
& put Eliza Dushku in some really skimpy clothes
& you've really gotta wonder who would want to hire a doll
when on every job they just flip out & then kick you in the balls
complain & they will wipe your brain & stick you in a box
why, such a crappy business plan could only come from FOX!

Battlestar Galactica would not be on this list
but recently its twisty plot has got me kind of pissed
cause half the cast are Cylons, Starbuck came back from the dead
& "All Along The Watchtower" is messing with my head
cause every time I hear that elusive music play
I image some Centurions rolling up a J
so I think I'll go to Vegas, place a bet & make a killin'
when it turns out the twelfth Cylon is none other than Bob Dylan

Battlestar Galactica would not be on this list
but I saw the way it ended & it got me sort of pissed
cause Starbuck was an angel & Head Six controlled it all
so humans could go live in caves & frak Neanderthals
so now we must be careful with the robots we have made
so "All Along The Watchtower" won't be so overplayed
yeah, the writers were partaking of the same beer I am swilling
so why should I be surprised that God is actually Bob Dylan?


now May sweeps have ended, the cliffhangers are hung
& for the next four months the shows I love to hate are done
my TV screen is dark, reruns are a waste of time
so what the hell do I do now, go out & get a life?
instead I think I'll read all the fanfic I can get
& argue with some giant jerks upon the Internet
however much it angers me, this time the networks win
I sure wish fall would come so I could watch TV again

(chorus 2x)

I watch a lot of TV. I also complain a lot about the TV I watch, usually with beer in hand.
So when one of my LiveJournal friends requested that I write a drinking song,
it was clear that I should write about the shows that are, collectively, responsible for the bulk of my drinking.